We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
