Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
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we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
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Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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