This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
