god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Are we still banned from the library?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
