is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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