I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
