How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
