After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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