Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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