he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
