You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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