At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
