I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Randomize
