this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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