I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Let's paint friendship bongs
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
