I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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