i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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