Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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