Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
