My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
