You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
