You're earring is so big in my mouth
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
