like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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