i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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