How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
