He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
