you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
