i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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