dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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