So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
