**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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