tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
