The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
