The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We were destined to go to rehab together
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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