She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
