I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
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Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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