We won't sleep together?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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