1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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