omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
