I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
