Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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