i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It was a blind-side dick pic.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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