i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
