If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
