I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
