he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
