Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
