I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
