really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
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I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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