I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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