is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
