WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
