last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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