I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The air was thick with penises
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
