I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
