Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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