I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
