Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
