He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
