New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
