I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
