gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
