She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
A+ Viking dick
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
