I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
