Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize