he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
