I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
