I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
