I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
