i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
