What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
