nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
