you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
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Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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