I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
