We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
